I know, I know. This isn’t a new story. Many women reflect on the transition from their 20s to their 30s. But there’s something undeniable about this phase of life, something inevitable: the moment we pause and say, “It’s time. Time to transform.” And the truth is, it’s not about becoming someone completely new—it’s about shedding who we thought we had to be.
As I approach 30, I find myself standing at a crossroads—looking back at my 20s and realising that maybe it’s time to let go. To take the next step, let go of the version of life I once imagined and embrace the unknown. I know it’s not just me—we spend our 20s building towering expectations: Who should I be when I turn 30? What should I have accomplished by that age? And then, one day, we wake up, staring down 30, wondering: What happened to the life I planned? The road I mapped out feels blurred, and the landmarks have grown distant, almost imaginary. I find myself holding a map of my life that no longer makes sense.
But here’s the thing: it’s not just our own expectations that weigh us down—it’s society’s, too. That invisible timeline—the one that tells us to have the perfect career, love, and self-realisation by 30—is a trap. We know it doesn’t exist. But why do we still hold ourselves to it, as if missing those milestones means we’ve failed? And so, as the big 30 approaches, we spiral—feeling stuck, unsure which direction leads forward.
The Weight of Starting Over
Now, here I am—months away from turning 30—and starting again feels much heavier than ever in my 20s. Back then, dreaming felt effortless, like running barefoot through open fields, chasing the horizon. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve rewritten my story more than once. I’ve mastered the art of starting over—changing everything to chase my dreams. In fact, I like to think of myself as a cat with seven different lives, each one dedicated to a new goal. But now? The leap feels harder.
It’s not that I’ve stopped wanting those things. The dreams are still there—just more complicated. With growth comes understanding risks, heartbreak, cost, and time. The stakes feel higher as if I’m carrying the weight of my 20s into every decision I make. The dreams I once chased so freely now come with a heaviness I wasn’t prepared for.
As a researcher, I can’t help but analyse this weight. It’s not just my expectations holding me down—society’s too. We’ve all heard those whispers, haven’t we? Telling us we should’ve done more by now, achieved more, had it all figured out. That by now, our dreams should be realised, and we should be focused on something else. So we let our dreams gather dust, too scared to even think of them. But remember, those whispers aren’t even our own anymore—they’ve been inherited, passed down like invisible baggage we never agreed to carry.
That voice in my head? It’s not even mine. It’s an echo of everything I’ve absorbed over time—who I should be, what I should’ve achieved by now. Society whispers: You should have it all together by now. And here we are, carrying these expectations like an impossible load that never seems to lighten. Tired. Worn out. Exhausted. Not just by our goals but by the endless demands of a world that keeps telling us to be more, do more, and never stop. It’s like running a race with no finish line, and it’s no wonder we’re worn out.
We’ve been programmed to critique ourselves constantly. Women, in particular, are taught to self-monitor and adjust—never quite feeling “good enough”. It’s no accident. These expectations run deep. From a young age, we’re taught to internalise these expectations, and now they run deep, shaping how we navigate the world.
Embracing the Metamorphosis
But here’s what I’m slowly learning: starting over isn’t failure. Letting go of one path doesn’t mean you’ve given up—it means you’re making space for something new. All women go through this metamorphosis—shedding who we used to be to make room for the woman we’re becoming. It’s like a butterfly leaving behind its cocoon, stepping into a new body that feels both familiar and entirely different.
Turning 30 isn’t the terrifying milestone we’ve been conditioned to fear—it’s a reinvention. A chance to shed what we’ve outgrown and step into something better. Just as a butterfly breaks free from its cocoon, we break free from the past and step into a new life. It’s a rebirth. A transformation we’ve been conditioned to dread, but perhaps it’s exactly what we’ve been waiting for.
And yes, the fear of failure is real. It’s bigger than it was in my 20s. That’s because now, I know how cruel the world can be. I know that a woman in her 30s, bold enough to change everything, can still be crushed by those external and internal expectations. Perhaps it’s because I no longer carry the naïve optimism of my 20s. I know the risks. I know the cost.
But here’s the thing: we’re taught that walking away from something we’ve invested in—a career, a relationship, or a dream—means failure. But it doesn’t. Letting go is wisdom. It’s about knowing when to pivot and make space for something that fits who we are now, not who we were then.
The Path to Unexpected Freedom
Because life has a funny way of nudging us when we’re stuck. Sometimes, it’s subtle, and other times, it's a complete reroute. The universe whispers, “This isn’t it anymore.” And what if that’s not a setback—what if that’s the magic? We’re not always meant to follow a straight path, and we’re not here to cling to one version of success. Sometimes, the real magic happens when we let go of what we thought we wanted and make room for the unexpected.
So, if you’re feeling lost, if your plans have unravelled, remember: you haven’t run out of options. You’ve just let go of one path, and that’s okay. Breathe. Pause. Start again. Your energy? It’s not wasted. It’s just being redirected.
And maybe, just maybe, this detour is exactly where you’re meant to be.
I will be 30 in 9 months and I feel exactly the way that you described! For a long time I felt that I was a failure as my 20s were passing by and I was even further to realize my dreams and the plans I had idealized. But reading your words of letting go of the past and rerouting the new future give me strength to know that I'm not alone and I'm not the only women about to be 30 reinventing myself. Thanks for your words. Can't wait to read more!
These words have connected to the thoughts I had back when I was about to turn 30. Beautifully written, can wait to read more of your words.